Romans 12:10 Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.

The trip home was quick. We had time to take care of business, pack a few things, visit with family and friends and head back to California. Our friends and family have been so kind to take time out of their busy lives and responsibilities to tend to our place. We have a big labor intensive place and they have all done so much to keep it up for us. We haven't been able to thank them enough and probably never will be able to adequately thank them. They have honored us above themselves and demonstrated brotherly love.

Monday, July 26th, was the third infusion of Gemzar. His labs did show a significant drop in platelets and a small drop in his white blood count. The drop in platelets can cause bruising or bleeding and other possible side effects so they reduced the amount of Gemzar for this session. The good news is he gained 8 lbs. this week. I've come close to gaining 8 lbs. in one week but it wasn't good news. His appetite has been good. While we were gone to Idaho he raided our fridge and ate all the good food he could find. That's what it was there for. Monday's session was short and was scheduled for 10:30 a.m. so I went ahead and went to work. David and Caroline went to chemo with him.

Bobby called after I got home from work to see if we could go walking. He said he was really tired but wanted to make sure he "pounded the chemo into the bone". We walked for a couple hours in the hills above San Rafael. The view was really pretty. Bobby won't have chemo next Monday....he's thrilled. He wants to go camping in Yosemite the first weekend in August. I hope he feels well enough to do that. At this time we're planning to tent....staying at the lodge is another possibility.

Bobby said he was planning to go walking with a friend on Tuesday. Turns out that he cancelled because he wasn't feeling well . He didn't sleep much and had a lot of stomach cramping. The day after chemo always seems to be the worst. But, by the time I was off work, he was ready to go for a walk. He had found another trail in the nearby hills. We didn't complete the full 5 mile loop but we did end up walking 3-4 miles. We're planning to start earlier next time and bring backpacks... with snacks.

Phillipians 1:3 I thank my God upon every rememberance of you.

He is doing well. Thank you for your prayers.

Muir Woods

Tuesday, July 20th, the day after his second infusion and Bobby is doing pretty good. The fatigue has increased and he's having some cramping in his stomach. He thinks maybe he's eating too late in the day. His digestive system is slowing down. The nutritionist told him to get most of his calories in early in the day so the food won't be sitting in his stomach undigested.


Psalm 96:12 let the fields be jubilant, and everything in them. Then all the trees of the forest will sing for joy;

David and I made a quick trip home to Idaho but before we left we were able to go on another walking adventure with Bobby. Want to keep the chemo circulating throughout his body and get it into the bone. This time we went to Muir Woods National Monument. It's a beautiful park 11 miles north of the Golden Gate Bridge. It's been part of the National Park System for over 100 years. The park is home to old-growth costal redwood groves and other plant life. We followed the friendly designated path through the woods with the other visitors (it was busy) and then ventured off onto "Bootjack Trail" (didn't see another soul). I think he gets bored if it's too easy. It was beautiful to see the shafts of light streaming through the trees and listen to the sound of water trickling through the forest. Bobby has walked this trail many times with his clients. He said someone always gets hurt. Seems David and I would be the likely canidates on this walk. We make it through mostly unscathed. David got a bug bite or sting of some kind on his hand that caused some swelling and pain for a couple of days but other than that we all survived. We are constantly thankful that we are here and able to spend this time with Bobby. We're talking about how we should celebrate when the doctor announces that they got it all. When Dr. Eisenberg measured the tumor he did say "we're gonna get it all". We believe that.

Lab Results

"Trust in Him at all times, you people; Pour out your heart before Him" (Psalm 62:8).

We do trust in Him and have poured out our hearts to Him and He has heard our prayers.

Bobby's lab results were GREAT. His numbers hadn't changed from last week. We expected a significant drop in his white blood cell count. The white blood cells, aka leukocytes, fight disease and infections. The chemo isn't selective in killing only cancer cells so as the white blood count drops the chance of infection rises. We don't want infection. So we and he were really happy that the numbers were good. He's also had such a good week. Feeling the best he's felt for a long time. He even asked for his car back. He's feeling good enough to drive.

Bobby is diligent with his supplements, nutrition and exercise. This chemo infusion only took 1 1/2 hours and then the three of us went for a long walk to get the chemo circulating throughout his body and into the bone. Even though it was an 80+ day he has to cover up as much as possible (he cheated with the shorts) because the chemo makes him very susceptible to sunburn. He always has his big ol cancer hat.

We are praying this week and this infusion will be as successful as last week.

We're overwhelmed by the number of people praying for our son. We're very thankful for friends and family and even people we've never met going to our Father on his behalf.

Isaiah 40:31 "But those who wait on the LORD Shall renew [their] strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint."

Mt. Tamalpais & Valley Baptist Church

Bobby and David and I went to Mt. Tamalpais Saturday night. The view is amazing. Bobby said it's one of his favorite places. We packed dinner (organic of course) and ate sitting in the grass on the top of the mountain, above the clouds. We talked about God's magnificent creation. The setting sun produced beautiful shades of orange. We hiked back to the car in the dark made it down the hill and delivered him safely home. He'd had a pretty good day and so had we.

Sunday we attended Valley Baptist Church. This was actually our second visit to VBC. Last week we arrived a few minutes early and found a seat near the back. A gentleman immediately came over and introduced himself and asked what brought us to church that morning. David responded "a Ford Taurus". Turns out he was the Pastor. He seems to have a good sense of humor....at least he played along with the "Ford Taurus" comment. Anyway, we did get around to explaining what we were doing in the area.

During the service there is a time of prayer. Pastor Chris introduced us (yikes, all eyes on us...so much for sitting in the back trying to blend into the wall). He asked the congregation to pray for us and Bobby right that moment. He also asked any Deacons and Deaconesses sitting near us to come pray over us. Several people surrounded us and prayed for healing for Bobby and strength for the journey. Again at the end of the message Pastor Chris prayed for us from the pulpit. I think that is exactly where God wanted us to be. Bobby was really touched when we relayed the story. They also gave us a visitors pack that included chocolate. Really good chocolate.

So, we returned to VBC yesterday. Pastor Chris greeted us and asked how things were going and again asked for the congregation to join him in praying for Bobby. Amazing. He also asked us to tell Bobby that he would be teaching on "Perseverance" next Sunday and wanted to extend a personal invitation for Bobby to be there. P.S. no chocolate

We had a quiet afternoon. Bobby had to get his labs done for today's chemo. He has worked so hard this week to boost his immune system with good nutrition and supplements and exercise. I hope his numbers are good. I know he'll be disappointed if his white blood count has dropped significantly.

So, we wait to see.

Thursday

July 15, 2010

Bobby had another good day today. David picked him up around 12:30. They headed off for a long walk. I called after I got home from work and they were at the yogurt shop. It's an "all natural" frozen yogurt shop near our apartment. They had been walking for a long time and Bobby was worn out. He wanted me to pick them up. So I did.

He'd had another good night and had a good appetite. David had made a batch of black beans that were good enough that Bobby had two helpings. We put on some weirdo movie (Bobby's recommendation) and I watched the movie while those two slept. I thought while watching them sleep how blessed I am. I'm blessed with a wonderful loving husband that I adore and a beautiful son who is truly a most precious gift from God That God has provided a way for us to be here with him at this time is overwhelming. He is God and He is good.

He had dinner with us and decided to call it an early night.

No work tomorrow.

Wednesday

July 14, 2010

It's Wednesday. The second day after chemo. I'm at work wondering how Bobby is feeling today. David finally heard from him around 11:30. He apparently had a really good night and slept through his normal 4:00 a.m. wake up that usually happens due to pain. He took his anti-nausea meds and his morphine around 5:30 a.m. and went back to bed and back to sleep.

Bobby and David had planned to go to Golden Gate Park to walk but by the time Bobby got up and around and done with his morning routine he remembered he had an appointment at 4:00 so they decided to wait for me so we could all go do something together.

I am so thankful that he is feeling better. This is the best we have seen him feel since we first came in early June. God answered our prayers and the chemo is doing it's job.

After his appointment, we headed to Rodeo Beach. It's a nice walk on a cool afternoon. The ocean is amazing as always. I never get tired of watching the waves and hearing that sound. Bobby said that sound, the waves, has an effect on the brain, causing a release of a chemical that calms and relaxes. I believe it. Works for me.

I remember a time when Bobby was little and we were camping at a parking lot "campground" somewhere in California right on the beach. I loved the sound of the waves so much I tried to make a recording of it with a really lame tape recorder that we had brought along to play our cassette tapes (this was a very long time ago). The recorded sound was horrible. I'm pretty sure my brain didn't release any calming and relaxing chemicals that day.

After our walk we went to Golden Gate Park to see the amazing views from the bridge (Bobby's bridge...he has a canyon in Arizona too).

It was such a good day. He felt so good. We're so thankful to God for His mercy and love. We continue to pray for his body and spirit to be restored.

The morning after

July 13, 2010

Yesterday was the first day of chemo. I was relieved the treatment was finally starting but felt Bobby's pain at having to submit his body to such a toxic cocktail. He has been an "organic" guy for many years. He's not a fanatic but he does keep very healthy habits. He said starting treatment was like turning over the car keys to someone else. He's not in the drivers seat anymore. Figuratively and physically that is true. He's not able to physically drive at this time and he is having to submit the care of his body to someone else. His age and his otherwise good health are significant factors in fighting the cancer and being able to tolerate the treatments. We feel very positive that he will do well.

The day after proved to be a bit of a rough day. Some nausea, lack of energy and lack of appetite. I think a general feeling of fatigue, because of the situation, and a desire for extra nurturing all contributed to the day. It's been a long struggle getting to this point both physically and emotionally.

Our main goal/challenge is to get enough food into him. Nutrition is an important part of the treatment. The Herbalist that is working with him said he needed to get a minimum of 1100 calories a day. When I read that I thought that wasn't enough to keep him from losing more weight and I thought that wouldn't be hard to achieve but now realize it can be difficult because of the nausea.

The other element is fatigue. It's really important for him to exercise as much as possible to circulate the chemo throughout his body and get it into the bone. We picked him up after I got home from work and brought him home to have dinner with him and walk and let him sauna.

I go to bed when I need to, to be ready for work, and David takes him home when he's ready. Sometimes he spends the night on the couch. I always worry that it's not comfortable enough, but he says it is.

We have his car now so David can go get him during the time I'm at work. They're planning to do a lot of walking.

All three oncologists said he would feel better after chemo began so we wait to see how he feels tomorrow.

Chemo Begins

July 12, 2010

We had several messages of encouragement from friends this morning. Thank you God for friends and family.

Today is Chemo day. Finally!!!! I took the day off from work so I could be here for his first treatment. He had a rough day yesterday. The pain got a little ahead of him. He looks tired this morning. He got his hair cut…really short. David tells him he looks like he’s already started chemo.

10:30 a.m. Lindsey (chemo nurse) greeted us and let all of us go back into the chemo room with Bobby. She got him settled and explained what the schedule would be for today’s infusion. Dr. Eisenberg stopped by to say hello. I asked if I could take a picture of him with Bobby. He said he’d never been asked that before. But he obliged me.

So, they started with a couple bags of saline then a couple bags of anti-nausea drugs. When it was time to start the chemo drug – Gemzar – he asked us to pray with him. I love that we’re here and able to pray with him. The Gemzar took less than an hour. He had trouble getting comfortable in the chair because of head and neck pain. And the light tends to bother his eyes. His back and hip gave him trouble as well. All part of his particular cancer. He did sleep off and on.

The chemo room was busy at times and very quite at other times. Another chemo nurse – Herb – was nice and friendly. Apparently he bakes banana nut bread every weekend and brings it in every Monday morning.

Another chemo drug that was given today is called Cisplatin. The way that Cisplatin operates is by forming a platinum complex inside of a cell, which binds to DNA and cross-links DNA. When DNA is cross-linked in this manner, it causes the cells to undergo apoptosis, or systematic cell death. One of the methods it uses causes apoptosis through cross-linking is by damaging the DNA so that the repair mechanisms for DNA are activated, and once the repair mechanisms are activated and the cells are found to not be salvageable, the death of those cells is triggered instead (www.cisplatin.org). It took a little over two hours to administer. Lindsey hooked it up then told us to go ahead and bless it. So, David prayed before that drip began.

His first day of treatment ended at 5:30 p.m.. Not a minute too soon for Bobby. He is now scheduled for every Monday through August. Thankfully it won’t always take so long.

We’re praying the side effects will be minimal or even non-existent. The biggest concern at this point is nausea. He has a custom mixed med that he has been taking to prevent the nausea that comes with taking the morphine. He really needs to stay on top of it. A fever is the other possible side effect. If it gets to 100.5 he needs to call in right away. We’re thankful the treatment has begun. He called later in the evening to see how we were doing. He wanted to know if it was hard for us to watch. I told him it would be hard for us not to be here. He said it would be awful for him if we weren’t here. He always says what his mama wants to hear.

Now we wait to see how his body responds.

Work, more waiting and delays

It's obvious to me that God has been at work preparing the way for us to be here at this exact time. So many things have been taken care of.

• Bobby qualified for disability and started receiving checks immediately. His last job paid very well so his benefits will take care of his bills.

• We found an apartment available month-month with an infra red sauna IN the apartment.
• I qualified for FMLA so my job and my seniority is secure.
• God has kept me healthy for the last 4 years so I have accumulated a couple weeks worth of sick leave that I am able to use.
  
• Friends and family are praying for Bobby, and us, as well as taking care of a long list of things while we're gone, including God providing leadership in the Deaf Ministry and substitute interpreters.
• I was approved to work part time at our company's office in Santa Rosa (how amazing is that).

So, I'll be working at the Santa Rosa center M - TH. My first day was Thursday, July 1st. It was nice to get back to work. The Santa Rosa crew couldn't have been nicer. They made me feel very comfortable.

Thursday night Bobby was over and let us know chemo has been delayed until Tuesday the 6th, or Wednesday the 7th. Personal reasons. We were surprised by the delay and admittedly not happy about it. He had called Dr. Eisenberg to make sure it was OK to delay just a few more days. Apparently Dr. Eisenberg agreed that it would be fine. So, if the doctor didn't feel it was any problem, then we needed to be OK with it as well.

My sister, Arlene, came on Sunday July 4th. We loaded up and drove to Sausalito for the fireworks. It was nice to see her.

As it turned out, the Chemo was delayed longer than expected. He had been told it was scheduled for Friday, July 9th. We met him at the Cancer Center anticipating a long day. They did take his temperature and blood pressure and weigh him. It seems his most recent labs weren't current enough (three weeks old) so he had to get lab work done. They rescheduled the first day of Chemo for Monday, July 12th. We pray it really begins on Monday.

And we wait.

Headed for California

It's Wednesday, June 16th. We're home with a long list of things to do. We plan to head back on Thursday, June 24th. We'll drive. We paid for two months rent on the apartment.

We've been working on re-siding our huge house. Part of it is done, part isn't done, some of it is painted, some isn't. We're putting that project on hold for now. The vegetable garden is semi ready to go....our small group from church and other friends and family have volunteered to take care of the yard, garden, cats, and house plants. Yikes, it's a lot of work. Hard to impose all this work on other people.

We are able to visit with many friends and family while at home. Got to take dad Granger out for Father's Day lunch. My mom came on Tuesday (she's taking care of the house plants) and ran errands with me. Got together with our small group from church and our sweet friends Sue and Nathan Wood brought our three favorite babies over with ice-cream and presents. We have a beautiful picture of the kids to set up in our temporary home and David got a big bag full of candy for his birthday. Gonna miss them all.

David started and completed a big ol project of installing underground sprinklers so nobody would have to move hoses. We got what we thought we'd need for a few weeks packed up (including our coffee machine) and headed for California.

Bobby's bone biopsy on L3 proceeded. It was apparently pretty uncomfortable. He did have pain meds to help minimize the pain. We checked in as we made our way across the desert. Arrived in town around 7:30 p.m.. Called Bobby to let him know we had made it. They were on the way to the emergency room. As the pain meds wore off, the pain became unbearable and unmanageable. We met them at the hospital and they got him hooked up to an IV. They got the pain under control so he was able to go home. Whew. Long first day.

Checked into the apt (still a lot of the owners personal stuff inside and still really dirty carpet) and went to bed.

Our first FULL day in our new temporary home is David's birthday, June 25th. We went to dinner at the Outback and Caroline brought over a wonderful dessert. The next few days were busy getting settled, visiting with Dr. Eisenberg, going to a Giants game in San Fransisco the same day as The Pride Parade (meaning detours and massive crowds- David was brilliant as our chauffeur) and getting the apartment to feel tolerably clean. P.S, the Giants lost.

Dr. Eisenberg sent an "urgent" referral to UCSF for a third opinion. Bobby wanted to get an opinion from someone not connected with Marin Cancer Center. He doesn't expect a different diagnosis but maybe different treatment options. We met with Dr. Kramer at UCSF. His diagnosis was the same and the treatment basically the same. Dr. Kramer concured with the other oncologists that because it is such a rare form of cancer that they don't often treat, there are many unknowns, however the treatment being recommended is the correct protocol. He also added that Bobby is in very good hands with the team at Marin Cancer Center.

So, we have a chemo start date of Friday, July 2nd.

Reality

We arrive in San Rafael. Our hotel is 10 minutes from Bobby's apartment and the cancer center is just minutes away from there. We plan to be here for one week.

The chemo class consists of Bobby and Caroline, David and me, and Lindsey, the oncology nurse. Her job is to explain what can be expected when chemo begins. Bobby hasn't decided if he wants to go that route or not. David and I are anxious and fearful about that hesitation. Lindsey isn't able to answer all the questions Bobby asks. His medical oncologist, Dr. Eisenberg joins the meeting. He wants to proceed as if the additional hot spots are cancerous. His advice is to get started with treatment. Bobby doesn't like that approach. He's frustrated because he was told to NOT assume the hot spots were cancerous but now they want to assume the hot spots are cancerous and get started. Bobby wants a second opinion. Dr. Eisenberg refers him to a Dr. Pinto at Standford University. Dr. Eisenberg has already consulted with Dr. Pinto. David say's "not to be rude, but is that really a second opinion if you've already talked to him?". Dr. Eisenberg assures him that Dr. Pinto has a mind of his own and will be giving us his opinion.

Bobby has lost over 20 lbs. in the last 5 weeks. He tries to minimize the loss saying he had a lot of excess weight. He looks good just much thinner.

Being here makes it all very real. His pain is worse than I knew. He always minimizes his pain when we talk on the phone.

It’s Sunday and we’re looking for an apartment to sublet. We looked at two. One seemed perfect. We call the next morning but we’re too late. Charles calls to offer his RV. We consider that. There is one more apartment to check on. It is still available. We can take it month-to-month. No deposit, no application. I talk to the landlord and arrange to see the apartment Tuesday afternoon.

We change our flight home so we can go to Stanford to meet with Dr. Pinto for a second opinion. We are in the waiting room for over two hours. Dr. Pinto has a different approach than Dr. Eisenberg. No mincing of words. He says if the cancer is in the bone, there isn’t a cure. He says, "you've heard all this already right?". We all shake our heads "NO". So he continues, "if the cancer has metatized into the bone, it is in your blood system and will continue to show up in different places at different times". He say’s “you can live like that for awhile”. Bobby asks how long is “awhile”? Dr. Pinto say’s “1, 2, 3 years”. He says “how much more bad news do you want?” Caroline later describes that moment as “sucking all the air out of the room”. Bobby asks if it’s reasonable to find out for sure if it is in the bone. Dr. Pinto says, “that’s reasonable”. He warns Bobby about losing more weight and says he needs to “get on with it” meaning the treatment. The waiting room is empty when we leave. The staff has gone. Bobby says “that sucked” then we walk to the parking lot in silence. It’s after 6:00 p.m. Bobby suggests we eat out. It seems so weird to me to be eating out. I wonder what’s going through his mind.

The next morning I wake up feeling full of despair. I start crying and can’t stop. I tell David that I can’t pray. All I can get out is “please God”. I’m helpless. I feel terrible. I don’t like this. And all that crying gives me a headache. I think "letting it all out" is overrated. But, I AM claiming the promise in Romans 8:26 "Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us [fn] with groanings which cannot be uttered. "

We meet the landlord, Terry at the apartment. It’s in a nice area in Larkspur. It’s less than 10 minutes from the cancer treatment center and has an infrared sauna INSIDE the apartment. Infrared heat is helpful in the fight against cancer cells. Seems like a "God thing". It is FULL (and I mean full) of the owner’s personal stuff and the carpet is really dirty but he assures us it will be cleaned and ready for us to move in. We tell him we’ll take it and expect to be back in a week.

Wednesday morning we say goodbye to Bobby and fly home.

The biopsy and the diagnosis

Caroline keeps us updated the day of the biopsy. We don't expect to talk to Bobby but he calls. The anesthesia made him sick. He sends a picture of his neck where they did the surgery. It's much bigger than I expected. Pathology is suppose to take 5-7 days.

Thursday, May 20th I'm on my way home from work. Bobby calls and asks if it is a good time to talk. The pathology is back. It is cancer. Nasopharyngeal Carcinoma. I have to ask how to spell it. It is rare in Caucasians. Found most often in Asians. He will have a PET Scan. That will show any other "hot spots". We'll have to wait for those results.So far the results have not been what we wanted to hear. I hear all the words Bobby is saying. Doesn't mean I understand. We talk until I arrive home.

David is upstairs. I say "we have a diagnosis. It's cancer".

We are on the web for days looking for all the information we can find. The information is overwhelming. David tells me to stop searching the Internet while I'm at work because it causes such distress.

We start planning to go to him.

Monday, May 24th. We're at friends when Bobby calls. He has been researching and searching for answers the same as us. He's met with the radiation oncologist and the medical oncologist. He does not like the idea of chemo and radiation. He wants to try alternative methods. Maybe in conjunction with the other treatment. He has started a method called the Gerson Thearpy. No animal products, no dairy. Mostly organic fruits and vegetables and whole grain oats.

We research the Gerson Thearpy. We have concerns.

The PET Scan shows hot spots on his sternum (very small) and on his spine at L3 and his sacrum. The doctor say's not to assume those hot spots are cancer. It just means there is activity in that area. Could be from an old injury. He needs an MRI of that area. So, we'll wait to hear.

The MRI results are inconclusive. Another biopsy is ordered. Bobby wants to know for sure if the cancer has metastasized to the bone. He gets scheduled for another biopsy of the sacrum but on the morning of surgery, the surgeon decides it's too risky.

We will arrive in San Rafael on June 7th. Bobby asked us to be there at that time to attend a class with him that will educate us in what to expect when treatment begins.

Preparing

I mention to my boss that I may need to go to California. He says "no problem, whatever you need".

We tell some friends and family. Michael and Elizabeth, Charles and Doris.

I remember wailing to Elizabeth when we came home from the treatment center in San Diego all those years ago. My heart and spirit were broken and I couldn't see past that moment. Elizabeth said to trust God and wait to see the outcome and what He has planned. As it turns out that time in San Diego was the best thing for our family. God knew.

I tell my Mom. She wonders why I haven't said anything up until now. I don't know. I think I was waiting for more information. She tells my brother and sisters.

David calls his mom and dad.

Bobby will be under full anesthesia. He sounds scared. I want to say something to comfort him. He talks about his relationship with God. He says it's been weird for awhile. I knew that.

We continue to wait.

The Neurologist and MRI

I can't remember the exact date but Bobby has an MRI. I can't remember the chronological order of the tests and doctor appointments but he does. I've heard him recite it. It bothers me that I can't keep it straight or that I didn't write it down as it happened. I wish I was better at journaling.

The Neurologist ordered the MRI. Bobby calls while I'm at work. No message. I think that's because it's not good news. I call him back. He says very calmly that the MRI shows a "mass" at the base of his brain stem and wrapped around his carotid artery. As he talks, the word "mass" becomes "tumor". Does "mass" and "tumor" mean cancer? I don't think so. David thinks it's something he picked up during a trip to Mexico. The deep tissue biopsy is still scheduled for May 17th. We'll wait and see.

Weekend in Anaheim

May 2. 2010

It's not allergies. The pain continues. He has more blood tests. The doctor says maybe cat scratch fever or lymphoma. We tell our Bible Study group about the headaches. This is the first we've mentioned it to them. We ask them to pray for cat scratch fever. They pray. He tested positive for cat scratch fever and Epstein Barr. He's on antibiotics. He still has a "deep tissue biopsy" scheduled for May 17th.

I have a workshop in Anaheim April 30th and May 1st. Bobby is there that same weekend. We'll get together on Sunday, May 2nd he says. Caroline is there too. We go to Venice Beach. I think we don't fit in. We watch the drum circle. I think anyone can join. It's suppose to be that way. What a nice idea. We watch a man going through the trash collecting plastic bottles. He has a drum. He starts playing his drum but the other drum guys tell him to go to a different drum circle. Guess he doesn't fit in either. I think Caroline fits in here. I'm not sure if Bobby fits in.

Bobby looks good. He looks healthy. We meet Caroline's family at an Italian restaurant. Great food, nice atmosphere, good music. Bobby's pain escalates as the day goes on. He doesn't want to disappoint anyone so he pushes through. He always pushes through.

We'll wait to hear.

What it's not

Bobby's headaches continue. He has been to a naturopath, an acupuncturist, a chiropractor, a masseuse, and maybe others. He thinks he might have Lyme disease. Symptoms of Lyme include swollen lymph nodes, headaches and fatigue. He has those symptoms. Doctors don't think it is lymes. He has blood tests. It's not lymes. I say "'maybe it's celiac disease" that's what my doctor and her entire staff say no matter what the sympton. I say "wouldn't that be great if you could just change your diet and the headaches would go away". He agrees that it would be great. Said he would give it a try. It's not celiac.

I remember the summer he graduated from high school. He got sick. He tried to push through. He didn't want dad to be upset or think he was faking it. He got really sick. I took him to the "doc in the box". Said it wasn't strep. They were wrong. He got worse. I took him to the "real" doctor. It was strep and pharahangitis and an inflamation of the lining around his heart. He was really sick. Antibiotics and rest. He got better.

He works. He loves his work. It takes his mind away from the pain. Work is more difficult because of the pain. He pushes through.

More tests. We wait to hear.