We arrive in San Rafael. Our hotel is 10 minutes from Bobby's apartment and the cancer center is just minutes away from there. We plan to be here for one week.
The chemo class consists of Bobby and Caroline, David and me, and Lindsey, the oncology nurse. Her job is to explain what can be expected when chemo begins. Bobby hasn't decided if he wants to go that route or not. David and I are anxious and fearful about that hesitation. Lindsey isn't able to answer all the questions Bobby asks. His medical oncologist, Dr. Eisenberg joins the meeting. He wants to proceed as if the additional hot spots are cancerous. His advice is to get started with treatment. Bobby doesn't like that approach. He's frustrated because he was told to NOT assume the hot spots were cancerous but now they want to assume the hot spots are cancerous and get started. Bobby wants a second opinion. Dr. Eisenberg refers him to a Dr. Pinto at Standford University. Dr. Eisenberg has already consulted with Dr. Pinto. David say's "not to be rude, but is that really a second opinion if you've already talked to him?". Dr. Eisenberg assures him that Dr. Pinto has a mind of his own and will be giving us his opinion.
Bobby has lost over 20 lbs. in the last 5 weeks. He tries to minimize the loss saying he had a lot of excess weight. He looks good just much thinner.
Being here makes it all very real. His pain is worse than I knew. He always minimizes his pain when we talk on the phone.
Bobby has lost over 20 lbs. in the last 5 weeks. He tries to minimize the loss saying he had a lot of excess weight. He looks good just much thinner.
Being here makes it all very real. His pain is worse than I knew. He always minimizes his pain when we talk on the phone.
It’s Sunday and we’re looking for an apartment to sublet. We looked at two. One seemed perfect. We call the next morning but we’re too late. Charles calls to offer his RV. We consider that. There is one more apartment to check on. It is still available. We can take it month-to-month. No deposit, no application. I talk to the landlord and arrange to see the apartment Tuesday afternoon.
We change our flight home so we can go to Stanford to meet with Dr. Pinto for a second opinion. We are in the waiting room for over two hours. Dr. Pinto has a different approach than Dr. Eisenberg. No mincing of words. He says if the cancer is in the bone, there isn’t a cure. He says, "you've heard all this already right?". We all shake our heads "NO". So he continues, "if the cancer has metatized into the bone, it is in your blood system and will continue to show up in different places at different times". He say’s “you can live like that for awhile”. Bobby asks how long is “awhile”? Dr. Pinto say’s “1, 2, 3 years”. He says “how muc
h more bad news do you want?” Caroline later describes that moment as “sucking all the air out of the room”. Bobby asks if it’s reasonable to find out for sure if it is in the bone. Dr. Pinto says, “that’s reasonable”. He warns Bobby about losing more weight and says he needs to “get on with it” meaning the treatment. The waiting room is empty when we leave. The staff has gone. Bobby says “that sucked” then we walk to the parking lot in silence. It’s after 6:00 p.m. Bobby suggests we eat out. It seems so weird to me to be eating out. I wonder what’s going through his mind.
The next morning I wake up feeling full of despair. I start crying and can’t stop. I tell David that I can’t pray. All I can get out is “please God”. I’m helpless. I feel terrible. I don’t like this. And all that crying gives me a headache. I think "letting it all out" is overrated. But, I AM claiming the promise in Romans 8:26 "Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us [fn] with groanings which cannot be uttered. "
We meet the landlord, Terry at the apartment. It’s in a nice area in Larkspur. It’s less than 10 minutes from the cancer treatment center and has an infrared sauna INSIDE the apartment. Infrared heat is helpful in the fight against cancer cells. Seems like a "God thing". It is FULL (and I mean full) of the owner’s personal stuff and the carpet is really dirty but he assures us it will be cleaned and ready for us to move in. We tell him we’ll take it and expect to be back in a week.
We change our flight home so we can go to Stanford to meet with Dr. Pinto for a second opinion. We are in the waiting room for over two hours. Dr. Pinto has a different approach than Dr. Eisenberg. No mincing of words. He says if the cancer is in the bone, there isn’t a cure. He says, "you've heard all this already right?". We all shake our heads "NO". So he continues, "if the cancer has metatized into the bone, it is in your blood system and will continue to show up in different places at different times". He say’s “you can live like that for awhile”. Bobby asks how long is “awhile”? Dr. Pinto say’s “1, 2, 3 years”. He says “how muc
h more bad news do you want?” Caroline later describes that moment as “sucking all the air out of the room”. Bobby asks if it’s reasonable to find out for sure if it is in the bone. Dr. Pinto says, “that’s reasonable”. He warns Bobby about losing more weight and says he needs to “get on with it” meaning the treatment. The waiting room is empty when we leave. The staff has gone. Bobby says “that sucked” then we walk to the parking lot in silence. It’s after 6:00 p.m. Bobby suggests we eat out. It seems so weird to me to be eating out. I wonder what’s going through his mind.The next morning I wake up feeling full of despair. I start crying and can’t stop. I tell David that I can’t pray. All I can get out is “please God”. I’m helpless. I feel terrible. I don’t like this. And all that crying gives me a headache. I think "letting it all out" is overrated. But, I AM claiming the promise in Romans 8:26 "Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us [fn] with groanings which cannot be uttered. "
We meet the landlord, Terry at the apartment. It’s in a nice area in Larkspur. It’s less than 10 minutes from the cancer treatment center and has an infrared sauna INSIDE the apartment. Infrared heat is helpful in the fight against cancer cells. Seems like a "God thing". It is FULL (and I mean full) of the owner’s personal stuff and the carpet is really dirty but he assures us it will be cleaned and ready for us to move in. We tell him we’ll take it and expect to be back in a week.
Wednesday morning we say goodbye to Bobby and fly home.
